Grief and loss is an experience that we all will one day experience, whether it consist of the death of a loved one, our own death and illness, the loss of a relationship, or the loss of something very important to us. The experience, though it is inevitable, will be experienced at different lengths by different individuals. This is why when we know that someone is grieving we should never ever compare by saying something such as, "Its been four months, you should be over this now". A statement like this will push a person into greater despair. Sometimes during the grieving process, the best thing to say is really nothing at all, and the best thing to do is listen, listen, listen, and console. Below is a list of the stages of grief and loss that nearly everyone experiences... remember, how long a person remain in a particular stage will vary. These stages were first outline by Kubler-Ross.
Denial - The denial stage is usually the shock stage. The person will usually refuse to accept the loss and will begin to feel like they are having a nightmare, and will say something like, "Please tell me this isn't true"!
Denial is a normal stage that we use to help us grapple with the immediate, overwhelming feeling of loss.
Anger - During the anger stage a person will will seek someone to blame for the loss happening. However, they will begin to recognize that their denial cannot continue. Often during this stage, the person is very difficult to be around or engage due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy.
Bargain - During this stage the person will attempt to bargain by saying "if I show more love, maybe my loved one won't die..." The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow delay, or cancel the loss. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, or I understand that my loved one died, but if I could just do something to buy more time, or bring them back..." Also during a break-up of a relationship the person will bargain on how to maintain some type of relationship, which at sometimes will be impossible.
Depression - In the depression stage, the person will become despondent and ask questions like "I miss my loved one, why go on?". During this stage the person mourning begins to understand certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse to be around people, and spend a lot of the time crying alone. During this stage, all most people need is a hug.
Acceptance - During the acceptance stage, the person will say to themselves, "It's going to be okay", "I can't change it, so I might as well accept it." In this last stage, individuals begin to come to terms with mortality, or other tragic event.
